Monday, 20 October 2014

ain't no sunshine

Copyright: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/profile_altanaka'>altanaka / 123RF Stock Photo</a>This morning I waved goodbye to BigL on her first school trip away from home. No wait, if I'm honest I blubbed goodbye to BigL as she grinned excitedly from the darkened coach window. Bonus points for getting her to wear a bright yellow sweater - no one's losing my kid this week.

The last week has been filled with her packing almost every item of clothing she owns -just in case; starting sentences with 'When I go to PGL' even when the following clause has nothing to do with her trip; preparing the family for the five days that she won't be around by reminding us of the fact every few hours; checking and re-checking that I have followed the school's information for parents to the letter.

And then she was gone. My goodbye speech was halted mid-kiss as she eased/struggled out from my squeeze/grip and ran onto the coach  before the seat next to her best mate was taken. 

I didn't get to say I loved her. Would she remember? Would she even think about that? Does she really know how much?

Post coach departure, my tearful drive to work this morning could have had it's own grainy flashback. Cue memories of me crying holding her for the first time when she was just LittleandOnlyL, me crying as she toddled off to nursery on my first day back after mat leave, me crying and wishing she would look back at me instead of sprinting into her new school classroom, me crying as she ran onto the pitch at Twickenham...mmmm anyone else sensing a pattern here?

Driving home this evening in the pouring rain, full of a rotten cold and sore throat, I allowed myself a few moments of self-pity. It was autumn inside and outside of my car. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. And tonight, the 2G settle unsettled in our lopsided-one-of-us-is-somewhere-else-house. This house just ain't no home. Anytime she goes away. Can't wait 'til she's back on Friday...until the sisterly rows start again on Saturday!