Sweet Child o' Mine

Finally getting around to clearing out mountains of paper from a crevice in the comfy room. Wrote this in 2009 but never posted it. Actually found a few of these ramblings and think the sentiments still hold true, so here they are...

End of the third and final maternity looms.  Woe is me.  Resisting the urge to stamp my feet and wail “I don’t want to go back to work”,  I opt instead for avoiding the whole childcare issue. Maybe GeordieLad won’t notice if I just hide with the kids in the cupboard under the stairs instead of tread milling at my intensely stressful teaching job at a secondary school.  I wish. No, sadly I’m heading back in the New Year so I need to sort out what’s happening with the 3 kiddiwinks.  BigL and MiddleS have been at full time nursery until the arrival of LittleE. Now we’re all out of whack because BigL has started school and the distance between my work and her school does not compute with regard to drop off and pick up.  So even though MiddleS and LittleE could attend the tried and tested nursery (near work), BigL still poses a problem.  I’m considering a childminder doing the to and fro because Reception kids aren’t allowed to attend Breakfast Club – a shame, as I would live in hope that 1988 Judd Nelson would be the teacher in charge.

So what’s the solution? GeordieLad wants a Nanny, but methinks he hasn’t quite thought this through properly.  “A Nanny” he proclaimed “would be easier, you wouldn’t have to worry about the children in the morning”. I wouldn’t WHAT? Does he not realise that once said children sprung from my being, worrying became a pre-requisite of daily life?  And that even with a nanny all 3 would be scrubbed, brushed, fed, watered and standing to attention in a spick-and-span row every morning awaiting the arrival of Ms Poppins-McPhee? I actually think GeordieLad believes he’s getting a nicer version of me without the hassle of work.  It frees him off any nursery or school collection duties, or cooking and cleaning for that matter. Humph!

Me and Motherhood - in my dreams!

If I’m honest I have a problem with one person looking after my kids; someone who’s not family or… no wait I just have an issue with one person looking after my kids. I may say it’s because you can never tell what’s going on with your children all day, and that anything could be happening. But recent disturbing news have shown that stuff can happen in a nursery too. And if I really want to put an end to that sort of worrying I have to stop working. So what’s the real reason eh?  Jealousy. Yes I’m jealous of someone, anyone who can spend a whole day with my kids and make them blissfully happy.  3 maternity leaves, countless school hols (for me that is) and I’m still rubbish at it.  I try letters, numbers, Cbeebies, paints, parks, Cbeebies, dressing up, dancing, Cbeebies.  But we still end with temper tantrums until bath-time.  Deep down I can handle Offspring1,2,3 enjoying the company of others but one person? Now that would really drive home the realisation that mummy just may not be …you know, perfect.  Isn’t that what us mummies strive for? Isn’t that what we supposed to strive for? Otherwise what’s the point of all those parenting magazines, websites, books and gurus?

It’s a really hard decision deciding what to do with your children if you’ve been working. And I’m not even broaching the whole financial factors.  I find myself hating the job I have dreamt about since my teens, because it doesn’t allow me the day to day flexibility to spend more time with my girls. It’s a well-paid career and we would struggle without my wages.

So what’s the solution? Give up work and remain in the ever-shrinking house with ever-growing children; or continue in my job and accept the long days with stressful mornings and evenings.  Ever feel that you are just dressing and undressing your kids?  For now it’s back to work full time in an attempt to move house. I am concentrating on enjoying the final four weeks of my maternity leave and will take work month by month.  My silent aim is to find work that is more flexible or give up completely by the time BigL is at senior school.  From experience and recollection these are the years when I think Mummy should be at home.  Roll on 2016!

3 years on from 2009, 3 years closer to 2016 and the plan is still the same.

Goodnight London, wherever you are.