just do it

This post started out as a query about why many of us get hung up on these 'do lots of amazing off the wall things before you are 40 or your life is is pointless' type lists. I came across an article I had cut out and kept* on the approach to my special day, which included such wonders such as:

Go skinny dipping in phosphorescence

Grow hair so long it covers your nipples

Spend a year with an entirely flat stomach

Eat the worm in a tequila bottle.

I mean come on!!! I don't even know where to start. How on earth have I got time to grow hair so long it covers my nipples, when I never even have a minute to sit down at the end of the day? Oh and my hair is afro, so clearly I will have to move my nipples onto the top of my head.

Admittedly, I did create a list the minute the fizz on my 39th birthday had lost its bubbles; mainly because my life had come to a grinding halt and I needed to give myself a kick up the jacksy. I had lived my twenties in a ball of low self-esteem, my thirties carrying babies and the weight of 150 student exam results; so I saw my forties as a time to think about me. Put me first...for a little while at least... on the odd weekend, you know.  I asked those around me for some ideas and filled in the gaps myself. What was I thinking? I was completely out of my depth, to the point that I must have fallen asleep and woken up thinking I was Rockefeller. Sheesh! Needless to say I counteracted my wonderlist with the caveat that it was a 40 during my 40s list - I still have some time.

Whilst I am surrounded by people past the 40 post seemingly happy with their lot, I wonder if it's our aim that once we turn 40, we should all be skipping through the years sticking two fingers up at 30-somethings? If you are - fab, great, I'm jealous. However I'm not there yet, and I'm getting impatient.  Two years into my forties and I'm facing some career challenges which are taking a toll on my confidence, I'm still on the verge of cardiac arrest after my Zumba classes, and I still haven't found my own style. Damn you 40s - you predicted and promised me confidence and a swagger!

But mid-post I was caught up in a discussion with FantasticoDad about living life for each day. Watching his wife losing herself and those around her in the depths of Alzheimers, I realise that whilst I have little connection with her the 3G have lost their Granny.  And heading into year five of having a fully compos mentis AWOLmum I realise that the 3G have no recollection of their biological Nana; my mum. Two legacies disappearing in time.  

So this post has changed its tack. Yes, these lists are a bit of fun, but why do we do them? Why are we so hung up on creating this decade-timed bucket lists? My worry had been that if some of these activities were too weird and wonderful, my day to day life would get in the way and I may find myself approaching the next decade with only one item ticked off and a sense of disappointment. But I guess, at least, I would be changing the habit of a lifetime and doing something a little less ordinary.

Thankfully, the article did conclude with the sentiment that our forties are a time to give yourself that kick to achieve some stuff, to relax, and to accept you for you. I like that. It might take me until the end of my forties though because those are some big deal accomplishments - so in the meantime I might have a go at *shuffles through list* : find jeans that my bum looks good in, and find glasses that suit me.  #livinglifedangerously

(*Shane Watson article in The Times title - All Grown Up Now)

Sweet Dreams are made of these

Horrendous! It's taken me all this time to get my blog together. But things are gonna be different this year. Honest. As this is the year I leave the 30something and turn the 40th corner. Scared? Hell no. They do say that life begins at this point. And it must, my friends, it must. 3 maternity leaves,  back to back...I'm now ready to open the door marked 40-enter this way.

Despite not wanting to turn thirty as I had no will or desire to don a pair of slippers, Nora Batty tights and hairnet, I managed to enjoy myself and Sambuca my way into my third decade.

 A lot has happened since then. I've done a bit of growing up, donchaknow? Career progression, bought a car, bought a house, bought a husband...no, sorry, acquired a husband, had a baby, and another, and another one after that, fell out of love with my job, fell back in love with it again, discovered Pinterest. And here I am. Turning 40.
 I have been prepping for this momentous year by creating a 40@40 list. With the help of my insane and (un)loving family and friends I have constructed a list of 40 things to do in my 40th year.

1. Get my groove on in a blues or ska club

2. Finally sit down and write a will

3. Take my brood to a Festival, preferably of the Vintage variety

4. Karaoke night with a bunch of girlies - so many more people need to hear my Big Spender!

5. An N party! Everyone has to come to the party dressed as something beginning with the letter N - the suggestions have already been flooding in.

6. The most amazing food at Lucky 7 and a day shopping at Portobello Market. Bring it West London.

7. New York. *deepbreath* Yep...get on a plane (aarrggghh!) and take my dream trip with my fantastico Dad

8. The Wire boxset to be watched in a bathrobe, holding a monster glass of wine and eating a barrel of chocolate.

9. A gig! Whoever, whichever, wherever.

10. Basketball game - I've never done it, so...

11. Ice Hockey match, I've never done it, so...

12. Designer handbag or shoes - eBay here I come!

13. Eurovision party with sis - the family tradition continues.

14. Weekend spa with the Indian sisters (in laws)

15. Maintain a regular blog. It's not that hard is it??

16. Contribute regularly to a savings account.

17. Kitsch themed dinner parties - Spanish, Mexican, Caribbean, Indian, Thai, - complete with fondu

18. Burlesque lessons.

19. A regular charity that I support in its entirety.

20. Organize that pile of rubble otherwise known as my daughter's baby keepsakes

21. Gym membership - get one, use one.

22. Surprise the Geordie Lad

23. Tea and cute eaty things at the Ritz

24. Tweet, tweet, tweet

25. Snog Benedict Cumberbatch *sighs in soft focus"

26. Own a pair of silk pyjamas to show off to no25

27. See Femi Kuti's tribute band because I missed Fela Kuti

28. Buy my dream car, a red Mini cooper

29. See a proper old movie at the national film museum

30. A night out in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in the Bigg Market wearing a miniskirt, white stilettos and a toon top

31. Helicopter ride to God knows where - I hate flying!!!

32. Get back in good contact with the friends I should never neglect

33.Ballroom dancing lessons

34.Do the monopoly pub crawl

35.Go to a night viewing at the national gallery

36.Watch a sun rise somewhere cool

37.Start the search at the Kew archives with my fantastico dad

38.A dream and a plan to make it happen. For real.

39. Line dancing night

40. Get that LBD  

This is also going to be the year that I become an auntie - from zero to four in a year. My SuperSis and her HB are expecting triplets - count 'em - in the summer, and my Brill S-i-L and her HB are waiting on their first sproglet in May.  And how can we forget the summer to end all summers: The London Olympics. I've never been one for flying the Union Flag (long story, brown face in a sea of white 1980s Essex ones) but mi casa will be festooned with red, white and blue and we will embrace a summer of British tea and waving.

Bring it on 2012.