me, myself and i

The writing prompt...

I want to be more...

Oh dear, I thought, where do I begin. I want to be more of everything, anything, something.

Fingers on the keyboard I start to enlist the words of Skee-Lo : I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had girl who looked good, I would call her...

I've got distracted. Start again.

I want to be more organized, more successful, more educated.

Nope I'm putting a downer on myself and actually I'm working on those things so you know - half a tick.

Back to the drawing board.

I want to be more creative, more brave, more smiley, more of a friend. 

Mmmm this isn't healthy and I'm negating the lovely people in my life who tell me I am all of those things. 

I want to be a more exciting and inspirational mother, I want to be a more patient wife, I want to be a more caring sister and daughter, I want to be more, more, more...

I'm reaching for the thesaurus to find more adjectives and adverbs to indicate how much I need to improve myself.

And then I stop typing to really have a think.

It took me 'til my forties to start really listening to people around me, to hear their guidance, to accept their help. It took me five years after that to realize that I cannot always be the me that people want me to be; I can only be the me that I can be. 

This doesn't stop me wanting to be more of a risk taker and become the adventurous hippy, jump into a bright red camper-van and drive my family around the world type earth mother I thought I was going to be.

But for now. I want to be more me.

Let's see how that goes for now eh?

This post is in response to a #Post40Bloggers #writingprompt no58: I want to be more...