Sunday, 3 March 2013

don't wanna bump no more with no big fat woman

Tough week. Friday night - wine o'clock was a little earlier than usual. After a sloppy St David's day Welsh Rarebit with the 3G, I just wanted to mooch on the sofa with a bucket of tea and a barrel of chocolate. I'll be honest with you, after a day at the HighSchool followed by the 3G followed by a marking frenzy I'm pretty much ready for tea and choc most nights. But not so last night. No chocolate for mamaelsie because I've gone and given it all up for Lent. That's right - the one little light of joy has been snuffed out for 40 days and nights. So why choose chocolate? I mean that cuts out my heavenly weekly mocha too. 

I got a little carefree over the holiday period and overindulged and now I'm paying for tight jeans.  With barely any time (although plenty of inclination and incentive) to get down my local treadmill I thought I'd cut back on the hard stuff- the hard, brown, creamy stuff wrapped in purple. And after spending a week with my good Preston buddy and her kids I realized I'd let my cooking go awry.She can knock up a healthy vegetable crammed family dinner lickety split. Meanwhile,  I start every week with real good intentions; Sunday afternoons spent perusing cooking books and websites, but then life gets in the way. GeordieLad barely in before late, the 3G snacking at afterschool club and me clinging onto the week with my fingernails.Who's bothered about fancy food at that time of night? Beans on toast, tomato soup and chunky bread, maybe paella at a push, I keep my culinary concoctions for the weekends and holidays.

Anyways I needed to cut back, but the thing is, I don't do dieting. I did back in the day - prekids. Not now. I made a conscious decision once the 3G started to eat the same as us not to diet. These are three women I am raising and it's gonna be hard enough teaching them to love themselves for who they are, without them watching their own mother eating rabbit food. They're still young but on hearing the strains of a One Direction song the other, I realise it won't be long before they are getting into fashion, that whole teenage tribe thing, worrying about their appearance. People will always blame the Media and the Fashion Industry for how women view themselves, and yes, they do have their part to blame. But surely mothers have a part to play too. The 3G's first female role model, I guess, is me. The way I speak to them, my career, the female friends I have, how I talk about myself, the way I dress. I'm not in any way saying that I will be all they have, my grip on their decision making started disappearing ages ago; but I'm up there.

I do my best. We aim to eat together when we can. It's all hands on cooking when we can. And even when MiddleS asks me why my tummy is so big, is it because there's a baby inside? I just smile and give her a big cuddle and secretly promise myself that I'll get down the gym an extra night this week
Goodnight London, wherever you are.

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